Execution Blues
by Tori Sakana
Summary: Duo's thoughts as the boys face a firing squad. Dark humor.


Author: Tori Sakana  
  
Summary: A dark humor fic – Duo's thoughts as the boys face a firing squad.  
  
Warnings: a little mild swearing, a little light violence, less than the unedited show.  
  
Time frame: doesn't fit anywhere in particular in the storyline. Just a sort of what-if interlude.  
  
Side note: Not everyone likes dark humor or finds it funny. Subdued irony and quirky approaches to dark subject matter are the dish of the day, not parody or farce.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters or plot or anything.  
  
Now, on to the fic!  
  
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Execution Blues  
  
****  
  
To calm himself, Duo counted the bullet holes in the wall in front of him.  
  
512. Damn that's a lot of bullets. What a waste of ammunition. His lip quirked up as he realized he was thinking of himself as a waste of ammo. Heh. I guess they figure they spent so much catching me they may as well shoot me.  
  
He snuck a peak to his sides. Four other boys were standing next to him, noses mere inches from the bullet-riddled wall. Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, how nice of you to join me. Guests of honor at our own execution. Man, I wish they'd lost my invitation.  
  
Duo watched his companions out of the corner of his eye. He had always loved people-watching, and even a situation like this gave a golden opportunity.  
  
At the end of the row was Wufei, eyes closed, breathing evenly. Meditating. Typical. Don't know why anyone would want to spend their last moments asleep, but hey, if it helps him stay calm…  
  
On the other end was Trowa. As always, the tall acrobat was completely impassive. He may as well have been standing in line at the supermarket. His one visible eye stared unblinkingly at the wall. Geez, does he even care? But then again, I guess when your day job is standing still while people throw knives at you, a firing squad is a walk in the park.  
  
To Duo's immediate right, Quatre stood with his back straight and his head held high. The little Arabian came from nobility, and he was not about to let his captors forget that. But his eyes were tightly shut and he was murmuring something in Arabic that Duo was sure was a prayer. Not for himself, I bet. For those people he'll no longer be able to protect. Maybe even for the rest of us, but if that's true he's wasting his breath. Still, Duo was proud of him. Quatre had always seemed weaker than the rest, because of his kind disposition, sweet appearance, and short stature. But he stood in front of the guns with just as much courage as the others. Duo felt another ironic smile twist his lips. It's too bad you had to be here, Quatre. I know the others would agree, you're the best of us. The only one who still has a life to live. I know you're strong enough for this, but I still wish you hadn't come on that last mission.  
  
Duo's attention moved to the other person he wished had not come on this mission – Heero. His best friend stood just to his left, and Duo could almost feel the frustration pouring off him in waves. Heero obviously blamed himself for the failure of the mission. Duo sighed. As if the rest of us aren't strong enough to make a difference one way or another. But deep down Duo knew it wasn't true. It was just that Heero accepted the limitations of the other pilots but never his own. He expects to be strong enough to succeed in any mission, no matter how difficult.  
  
Even now, Heero could not accept the mission's failure. His eyes were darting around, sizing up the guards and the security measures of the execution courtyard. Duo saw him tense, testing the handcuffs holding his arms behind him. Yeah right, Heero. I know you're superhuman but breaking steel cuffs just ain't possible. Then he noticed Heero change the position of his hands, covering his thumb with his other hand. Duo recognized the position. Geez, he's going to dislocate his thumb and just pull the cuffs off! He's unbelievable!  
  
But Duo couldn't help grinning. It is a good idea, after all. If I'm gonna die, I'm not gonna die chained like an animal. And ya never know, maybe a miracle will happen and I'll need my hands free. Duo moved his own hands, and felt rather than saw Wufei and Trowa do the same. Even Quatre did, without pausing in his prayer. Heh. Great minds think alike.  
  
"TURN AROUND!" a harsh voice barked behind him.  
  
The five pilots slowly moved to face their executioners.  
  
As soon as their hands were safely out of view behind them, there were five simultaneous pops. Ignoring the pain, Duo was perversely proud to notice Quatre's prayer didn't miss a beat.  
  
The first thing the pilots noticed was the soldiers. Five men in dress uniforms with gleaming boots, facing away from the boys. The pilots looked like street urchins in comparison, scruffy rebels rather than soldiers.  
  
The second thing Duo noticed was the TV camera. Hey, wow! A public execution then? Suits me fine. But we might as well give them a show… Hmmm… Heero'll be giving his Glare of Death, that'll scare the viewers at home. Wufei and Trowa won't be much good, they're too stoic. But Quatre and I…  
  
Duo knew perfectly well what the average person's first reaction would be on seeing them. "But they're only children!" Well if he couldn't take down Oz in his Gundam and if he couldn't prevent his execution, he'd at least hurt Oz's PR!  
  
So he shook his bangs into his eyes, slumped his shoulders, turned on the charm and gave the camera his most innocent and soulful look. When he wanted, Duo could look a good two years younger (and like a girl), and he wanted to now.  
  
He noticed the camera zoom in on him and added an extra pleading to his eyes. He could almost hear that imaginary viewer-at-home saying, "Oh, that poor thing, looks scared out of his/her wits! What are they doing, executing innocent children!"  
  
Duo fought to keep the grin off his face.  
  
A motion of the camera caught his eye and he realized it was now focused on Quatre. Stealing a glance, he bit back a laugh. Quatre was also projecting the 'innocent child' look, and nobody but nobody could do innocent like Quatre. That blond hair, sweet face, and those soft brown eyes were no doubt winning over the more sensitive in the audience. And that plaintive heart-breaking look – no one would ever believe Quatre was a highly trained killer.  
  
Duo was having increasing difficulty maintaining a straight face. He snorted, choking back a laugh, and saw Heero's mouth twitch.  
  
What? The high-and-might Heero Yuy actually cracked smile?  
  
He tightened his lips, trying to stop a smile. He could feel Quatre's shoulders shaking in silent laughter next him. Glancing right and left, he saw Wufei's head bowed as he snickered into his shirt, Trowa holding his breath to keep from laughing, and Heero staring stoically ahead but his mouth was twitching and there was a glint of real humor in his eyes.  
  
This only made Duo want to laugh even more.  
  
Finally he couldn't take it any more and burst out laughing. That sent the other four over the edge. An instant later, all five pilots were laughing hysterically, some for the first time in years.  
  
Duo was sure it must've looked strange or even frightening to the few onlookers. Five boys barely older than children, laughing their asses off at their own execution. The obvious confusion and uneasiness of the watchers only made Duo laugh harder. He was willing to bet that the general in charge of their execution was about to have a nervous breakdown – it was bad enough to publicly execute children, but five happy, laughing children was asking a little much.  
  
"Shut up! Quiet, all of you!" The commanding officer tried to restore the dignity of the situation.  
  
The pilots stopped, looked at each other, and burst out laughing again.  
  
"Shut up!! Or –"  
  
"Or you'll what?" taunted Wufei between bouts of laughter. "Have us shot?"  
  
Duo laughed so hard he had to lean against the wall to stay upright. He also took the opportunity to slip his hand out of the restraints and pop his thumb back into place.  
  
The commander's face went from red to purple. After shouting uselessly for a little while longer and receiving only laughter, he turned to the firing squad.  
  
"Squad! About face! Present arms!"  
  
The pilots managed to hold their amusement down to soft snorts and snickers while their executioners turned to face them. Duo noticed that all the soldiers wore medals for marksmanship. That's nice. A good clean shot for a quick death. They won't miss and make this even more unpleasant.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Heero twitch. Glancing at his friend, Duo saw Heero giving a significant look to the guns, then looking back at Duo for understanding.  
  
Puzzled, Duo studied the guns. Then he almost started laughing again. Single-shot rifles! Don't they know anything?  
  
The execution guns were beautiful antique single-shot rifles, chosen to match the importance of the occasion. Single-shot bespoke supreme confidence in a marksman's ability.  
  
And you only have to dodge one bullet.  
  
So if I can just avoid eating that first shot, I've got a good 30 seconds before they can reload, maybe more due to surprise. Duo sized up his opponent and the distance between them. I can make it. I can reach him, knock him out, and steal his sidearm. We might actually have a chance.  
  
He managed to catch Quatre's eye and passed the message silently. He saw a small smile quirk Quatre's lips and a small nod, before the Arabian turned to Trowa and slipped his own cuffs off.  
  
Duo's heart rose. Maybe, just maybe, they were all going to make it. It was a long shot, but they were Gundam pilots. Every mission they flew was a long shot. He'd beaten worse odds than this.  
  
The biggest problem he could see was the actual dodge. The timing would be tricky. He would have to move early enough to dodge the bullet, but not too early, or his executioner would notice and alter his aim. He wouldn't have to move far – a good marksman with only one shot would probably aim for the head – just a few inches to the side and lean back a little. But he would have to do it between the instant the general began to give the command to shoot and the instant the bullet left the gun.  
  
"Ready!"  
  
Uh-oh, they're about to start. The soldiers raised their guns. Something nagged at Duo about the way they held the rifles, but he couldn't quite…  
  
"Aim!!"  
  
The rifles were raised to their shoulders and lined up. The nagging feeling increased.  
  
The commander raised his hand to give the order –  
  
It's now or never—  
  
- he began to bring it down –  
  
Duo realized what was wrong but his body was already moving –  
  
"FIRE!!"  
  
He's not aiming at my head!!  
  
-The soldier's finger closed on the trigger –  
  
Duo tried to change his movement to bring his body further to the side and tilt his chest as far back as possible but he knew he'd screwed up, misjudged, and he wasn't going to make it in time –  
  
-and the bullet cut a gash across Duo's chest before burying itself in the wall.  
  
Duo let out a gasp of relief. I'm alive! The bullet had only sliced open his shirt and the top layers of skin. It'd sting for a few days then heal cleanly. Awe at survival gave way to annoyance. Hey! That was my favorite shirt!!  
  
Then he realized he was still moving.  
  
He hit the dusty ground and rolled, coming up with a rock in his hand to take out his shooter, knowing he wouldn't be able to cross the distance in time. But the other pilots all had, and Heero had taken out both his and Duo's targets.  
  
Duo shot him a smile in thanks, then hurled the rock straight at the TV camera. The lens shattered and the TV crew yelped and fled. Duo grinned and cracked his knuckles. Good. No more innocent bystanders, no more witnesses. We can cut loose with no worries.  
  
Picking himself up off the ground, he ran to grab the sidearm from one of the unconscious soldiers, then helped Quatre retrieve the handcuff keys while Trowa and Wufei covered them and Heero systematically cleared the courtyard of guards.  
  
Alone for a moment, they took the time to regroup and listen to the music of the alarm sirens. They formed a circle back-to-back and scanned for snipers while they dealt with the fact that they were still alive.  
  
"You all right?" Heero asked.  
  
Duo felt the wound on his chest and winced. "I hurt, but I'll live. Just a cut."  
  
"It can wait until we're out then."  
  
Typical Heero, oh so sympathetic. "Yeah, sure. What now?"  
  
Heero's eyes combed the courtyard before resting on a shadowed doorway. "We escape."  
  
Duo sighed. "So all we need to do is escape…"  
  
"…from a heavily guarded prison facility…" Trowa pointed out.  
  
"…where the alarm has already been sounded…" Wufei added.  
  
"…and they know exactly where we are…" Quatre chimed in.  
  
"…with only a few handguns and antique rifles?" Duo finished.  
  
He groaned inwardly at the look in Heero's eyes.  
  
The Wing pilot smiled dangerously. "Mission…accepted."  
  
  
  
******************~The End~********************  
  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Just an idea that hit me one day in class. For start to finish, this took me a week, which is like a record for me.  
  
I tried to keep it as in character as possible, but this is a pretty unique situation, one that I think brings out the other side to a person – a side that's there, but invisible, in more ordinary circumstances.  
  
To any A-Team fans out there: at the end, Heero's "on the jazz." ^_^  
  
Please review! I need to know if this dark-humor approach is working or whether it's just my twisted sense of humor! 


End file.
